Monday, November 2, 2009

The Candy Quota

I'm disappointed in my kids. They totally missed their candy quota this year. Socialism be damned, we distribute that kind of wealth in this family and now I'm in the poorhouse.

I'm not sure what led to the downturn in productivity. We went a half-mile down the road and then came back down the other side of the street. You would think a mile's worth of candy would be a good amount. I should have pushed them farther. Some of the slowdown can be attributed to my kids' socializing with other kids. Each classmate they saw caused a time delay, and on several occasions it distracted them from hitting a door.

I am very disappointed in my neighbors. A mile of houses and only one Twix. And it was one of those little bite-sized ones, not even a full stick.

There was a moderate yield in both Snicker's and Butterfinger's, but between both kids we only nabbed 3 Reese's cups. What's up with that? I can understand no Nutrageous or Fifth Avenue, you hardly ever see Nutrageous on a good year and Fifth Avenue's are almost a Butterfinger so you don't really miss them. But only 3 Reese's cups? Come on, people!

Also appearing in a disappointingly low quantity were Kit-Kat's. This classic treat should be given at least once every three houses, and if there is a mix of treats it should be a neighborhood by-law that Kit-Kat's are included in the mix.

Another curious absence was the SweetTart (no chewy or regular), which is inexcusable. There was only one pack of Smarties, and that's very odd because Smarties are a staple for Halloween, kind of like jellybeans are for Easter. At least we didn't get any of those Necco wafers this year. Got them last year. I didn't like them as a kid and I don't like them now.

We have plenty of Baby Ruth's. Here's some Halloween candy trivia I just made up: did you know that Baby Ruth's are not named after the baseball player but are actually named after the candy bar they threw into the pool in Caddyshack? I think I might update Wikipedia with that little tidbit.

We do have an unusually large proportion of Almond Joy's, which are kind of a minority candy, usually handed out as part of a sweet affirmative-action program. This year my son decided Almond Joy's are a new favorite, and he grabbed all that he saw. If I ever find out that he was turning down Reese's cups and Kit-Kat's for Almond Joy's he's gonna be in biiiig trouble.

I don't really like Almond Joy's. I can stomach them, but when I eat them I always remember the time in high school when I ate too many of them when I was drunk. I'm not going to get into the dirty details of what happened later that evening, but let's just say that coconut is really tough to get out of the carpet in the bathroom.

Oh well. The kids were cute in their costumes (Police Officer and Skeleton), our jack-o-lanterns looked awesome and didn't get smashed, and we had our neighbors over for food, drinks, and games. All in all it was a great holiday, hope you had a good one, too.

28 comments:

Lady Glamis said...

Well, shame shame on those kids and neighbors!!! You really should pass out a guidebook for next year. I'd buy one. :)

Oh, and Almond Joys are my favorite. My daughter didn't get ANY in her bag. I'm a bit miffed.

3 Men and a Lady said...

Almond Joys are the bomb. And we only got one :-( We also had 5 Reese's cups and 3 Snickers. Oddly, we also did not get any Sweet Tarts. This has never happened in all my Halloweens. Never.

L. T. Host said...

You should have come to my house, we only had 4 trick-or-treaters. I have an entire bowl left (even after "take whatever/ how much you wants") of Kit-Kats, Snickers, Reese's, Twix, Nerds, Skittles, and... Almond Joys.

Next year I'll just ship it to you, k? :)

Donna Hole said...

I feel for ya Rick. Whatever happend to the candy haul! I sent my kid out into the neighborhood with a bucket I worried was too small. And yes, he did return earlier than expected.

The problem didn't seem to be in the bucket size. It was the candy. His bucket was over half full - of the same tootsi rolls, dots, junior mints and jolly ranchers I served at home.

I guess everyone had the same idea about that great big, cheap bag of candy.

...........dhole

Laurel said...

We had plenty of Reese's but a dearth of Snickers and Butterfingers. Very disappointing.

Also stacked against us is geography. Well populated neighboorhood but our conservative little corner of the universe is populated with the type of people who go to "Fall Festival" at church instead of celebrating a pagan tradition. At least every third house did not sport so much as a cobweb (Are spiders satanic?) much less reward our heathen nature with candy.

Maybe they were praying for us and that was our treat.

Rick Daley said...

MIchelle / 3MaaL- I'll trade Almond Joy's for Kit-Kat's.

Now I'm worried that the sour economy affected the SweetTart plant.

LT- You had the most awesomely stocked bowl of Halloween candy evah!

Donna- That's very disappointing. At least we got some Snickers and Butterfinger's.

Laurel- May God bless you and your family and save you from the Hell you are so quickly approaching. And if He doesn't, I'll see you down there.

Sharon said...

You probably only have a few calm Hallooween's left.. Wait til they go with their friends, pillowcases as bags- and start a contest with the most candy collected! Then, maybe you'll gather some of the good stuff! Better yet, befriend some older neighbors- we had one that would give Brent an entire bag of nestle crunch bars, 'cause they were his favorite!
btw- my bowl had whoppers, skittles, m&m's,sour skittles & pixie stix(that was a first for me!)...

Rick Daley said...

When they are older is it harder to take your cut of the candy?

Sharon said...

Nah- start training them now on what 'good' candy is (this is the time to use reverse pyschology)-that way your favorites will always be available!!!

Rick Daley said...

Hey kids, try these delicious Necco wafers!

Kit-Kat's are poison, let me dispose of them for you.

Sharon said...

Perfect!

Rich said...

In 2000 we bought a bag of mixed candy. We had not 1 T or T'er. In 2001-2009 we have bought a bag of Snickers (my favorite) a bag of Kit Kat (Di's favorite)and a spare bag of Clark bars every year. Still no T or T'ers and we won't take a chance on a sudden turn around of visitors! If you need some when you visit, they are in the freezer! The supply will be gone by Christmas though!

Rick Daley said...

I forgot all about Clark bars because my lame neighbors didn't stock them. Of course, we didn't either but we did have Reese's cups, Butterfinger, Snickers, and Whoppers (Whoppers, like the Almond Joy, are a minority candy that must be offered as part of the sweet affirmative-action program).

Mini Snickers bars are best when frozen. So are Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies.

Bane of Anubis said...

Yeah, I might punish my kids if they came back w/ too many Almond Joys :)

Vodka Logic said...

That is why I buy my own...

As said in my Halloween poem.. lol

Rick Daley said...

Dammit, someone removed the addition I made to the Baby Ruth Wikipedia page.

Phillipia said...

I used to love Almond Joy...thanks for taking the joy out of that:)

Rick Daley said...

Philippia- The Joy is gone from the Almond, but the Coconut is still stuck in the carpet.

Ken said...

Add to your list of life lessons for the boys... don't ever put carpet in a bathroom, especially if you are in college. Imagine - you might actually be an Almond Joy lover today. Not to mention other obvious benefits.

Teri said...

I'm from Pennsylvania so I always look for Hershey bars.

Laura Martone said...

What's wrong with Almond Joys? They're my favorite!

...although I'm also partial to Mounds, Snickers, and Reese's as well...

And so few Smarties? Well, that's just wrong, wrong, wrong! Halloween was the only time I ever ate them - kinda like Easter is the only time you can get Cadbury Mini-Eggs, which is a good thing for my waistline.

I had a groovy Halloween, too - though it was perhaps a little more "adult-friendly" in the French Quarter.

P.S. Hang on, L.T., I'm coming over!

Steph Damore said...

You're right - total rip off. Kit-Kats and PB cups are the best. Shame on your neighborhood!

Rick Daley said...

Laura- I hold grudges against food. I'm weird that way. Well, I'm weird in toher ways, too. I gues that's just one of the ways in which I am weird.

I also hold a grudge against sour cream for the time I thought it would be sweet and delicious like cool whip, but it wasn't. F that condiment forever, in my opinion.

Steph, you want to help me set up a vigilante program? We seem to be on the same page...

Laura Martone said...

Aw, man, I feel left out of the vigilante posse. I can't help it if I love coconut in all its forms... I'm just hard-wired that way. I blame my mother. Yep, it's all her fault that I continually buy coconuts to bang on the kitchen floor until they pour forth their sweet nuttiness... despite that the fact that the last three coconuts purchased in a grocery were rotten... yes, I said rotten.

At least that's never happened with Mounds and Almond Joy.

Laura Martone said...

P.S. Sorry about your carpet, Rick. I have my own hatred for rum and coke for much the same reason. And that's all I'll say about that.

Anita said...

We had the same problem with Reese's this year and have actually been discussing it since Halloween...I think it's the flat out knowledge the candy contains peanut butter...who wants to be responsible for the death of a peanut allergy kid? I guess we'll have to buy our own, but it just doesn't seem right.

Rick Daley said...

Anita-
Peanut allergies have got to be tough at Halloween. Most of the candy that doesn't contain peanuts has probably been processed in a plant that also processes peanuts in some form, so it's tough to safeguard against that.

I have a nephew with a severe peanut allergy and know via my sister's experiences how careful a parent must be.

Sharon said...

Yes, peanut allergies are bad!! Actually when Kyle used to come home with his loot to empty his bag and go collect more, we took all peanut candy out- and 'regifted' it! On top of being allergic to peanuts, his diabetes was also another issue to deal with! We did get lucky when we moved, the elementary school we went to had a 'candy drive' and a local dentist would buy what the kids donated, and the school would then get something-but I can't remember what!?
Brent, who is just as picky with candy as he is with real food- only likes a few types, so his were either regifted or donated..
And I must admit-I'm guilty for passing out candy that I don't like, so that I won't have to test my willpower!!