Thursday, February 4, 2010

Getting the Run-Around

I wasn't planning on posting again this week, but this is just too good...

Last night I was sitting on the couch watching a DVR recording of America's Funniest Home Videos with my five-year-old son.  Or rather, I was watching AFV while my son bounced around the couch like a jumping bean.  A very loud jumping bean.

"Wow, you're wound up," I said, checking the clock.  It was around 8pm, edging on bedtime.  "Why don't you run three laps around the couch and burn some of that energy off?"

He thought that was a great idea, so he took off.  I counted each time he passed between me and the TV screen.  "One...two...three..."

Oh, he didn't stop there.  He wasn't done by a long shot.  "Four...five...six..."  He asked if this would make him better at basketball.  I assured him it would.

"Seven...eight...nine...ten..."  I won't go through every number, because trust me, it's boring as hell.  I will give you some general recaps, however, so you can get the sense of how this little exercise progressed:

Laps 45-55: He added the dining room and kitchen.  I still only counted a lap when he passed between me and the TV screen, though.  After ten extended laps he went back to circling the couch.

Lap 70- He asked if his basketball game would be over.  I said it would be pretty close.

Lap 75- He told me he would go to 101.

Lap 101- Still going strong.  He asked me if running would help build up his Magneto powers.  I said I didn't know, but encouraged him to try it out and see.

Lap 125- I was cracking up, and reminded him that I only asked him to run three laps.  He asked me not to laugh.  Then he clarified that I could laugh at the TV, just not at him.

Lap 150- AFV was over, and I noted that surely his basketball game would be over too.  He did not object to being called Shirley.  Must work on this.

Lap 212- He started walking.

Lap 251- It was 9:01 pm and my wife came in to admonish me for not sending him up to bed already.  I made him stop and sent him up to bed, but I'm pretty sure he was dead-set on clearing 300 if we would have let him.

17 comments:

Laurel said...

Yours, too? At our house you can add a kitten and two fifty pound dogs to the "track" comprised of living room, den, and kitchen. It's like living inside the Tasmanian Devil's stomach.

Rick Daley said...

They've run around before, but he really did 251 consecutive laps this time. I counted each one. Out loud. He only had to correct me twice.

I could not make this up if I wanted to.

Bane of Anubis said...

We need to bottle kids' energy -- perhaps Pullman had a similar experience that inspired His Dark Materials.

VTX Rider said...

Now that basketball is involved you need to draw a correlation between running around the couch and the glorious worship of Christ the Lord. Maybe how Joshua marched around Jericho? How lucky you are!

Laurel said...

VTX Rider: It doesn't sound as though Peanut would have been satisfied with a mere 7 times around, even if the walls collapsed inwards due to his efforts. But I feel you. Here in the Bible Belt, all things are fodder for instruction in the mysterious ways of the Lord.

Rick Daley said...

Laurel- My son is in a church basketball league (I am helping coach and dodging lightning). The league organizer told the coaches at the beginning of the season that "basketball is a facade" and that the goal of the league was to "reflect Christ to the children."

So these sprints would not have been the "suicides" practiced in many rec leagues, but rather "martyrs."

Bane- Will you help me market it if I can get it in a bottle? I'm willing to give it a try.

Susan Quinn said...

Mine usually circle their beds, AFTER the lights are out. I need to try this on them.
:)
Thanks for sharing the funny.

Eric said...

That was hilarious. It's been a long time since I've had 5 year olds, but it was really fun to re-live those days through your eyes. Thanks for sharing.

Sharon said...

OMG!! That was so Victor cute!! I needed that after a long week, with a crazy work schedule, yucky weather etc....
He's gonna out marathon both of you!!

Rick Daley said...

Sue- You just need to focus their energy. Of course, this is the child who can't focus for two-and-a-half minutes to brush his teeth, but he can run for over an hour. Go figure...

Eric- I'm glad I had the funny to share. I like it the the posts almost write themselves!

Sharon- You've seen him in action, but be aware that his powers of cute get stronger each day ;-)

Donna Hole said...

Dude: mom's remember forever. Where was Mom during all this. I can't see her approval.

If I was your wife I'd be slapping you upside the head for perpetuating this atrocity.

Later, after YOU put them to bed and apologized to me suitably; yeah, I'd forgive you.

Still, I see no whacking upside the head of the hubby that enjoyed this activity! Men; boys!

Uh huh. The Mommy perspective is conspicuous by its absence in this scenario!

God; why is the male species so cute.

............dhole

Rich said...

I recently bought a pedometer. Each day my goal is to hit 10,000 steps. I have yet to reach my goal. We take our 3 mile walk, include all the walking steps from daylight to bed time and I keep falling short. So Max's exercise course is my next venture. Tell him we can race on our next visit!

Rick Daley said...

Donna- Momma had drama with our other son, but that's fodder for a different post. Actually, it's drama I caused by throwing his ice cream away. I was unattended.

I would like to point out that I only had him run three laps. The other 248 laps he ran on his own accord, and he was smiling the whole time. He also went to bed without argument or issue. I am proud of my methods.

Dad- This was Vic, you have a tough time with the no-name blog posts ;-)

And to hit 10,000, on your 3 miles walks take smaller steps!

Donna Hole said...

Sorry Rick. I was laughing through the read and didn't realize the comment sounded condescending.

I've had those moments with my own kids; too wound up and all you can do is watch. And hope the furniture is in tact when they finish bouncing off it. And when they can put that much effort into the energy expulsion, you may as well sit back and let them wear themselves out.

And wish you could bottle it and dole it out on days they refuse to get up for school.

.....dhole

Rick Daley said...

Donna- No worries, I take everything with a grain of salt. I tell my friends they are more likely to be offended by me than to actually offend me ;-)

Matthew Delman said...

Have I told you lately that reading these posts feels a little like I'm looking into my future?

I can totally imagine my future children perpetuating some of the craziness your sons do. My wife and I have already determined that between the two us we're going to have problems not encouraging sarcasm and general wit among our spawn.

Rick Daley said...

Matt- You will find that your kids will speak the way you speak. Mannerisms, inflections, vocabulary...they are like little parrots.

Sometimes it's bebeficial. You want you kids to say please and thank you? Just make sure you say it to them frequently and they will pick up on it. Every time you put a shoe on a foot, starting when they are infants, say "fet foot" or "right foot." They don't need to repeat it. One day you'll say left foot and they'll put the right foot out. Right as in correct, that is ;-)

Then something bad will happen and you will inadvertently introduce them to the f-bomb.