Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Origami and Erections

WARNING: This post is not excessively adult-themed, as may be inferred from the title.  However, it is quite silly and immature, which can be ascribed to my general nature and should therefore be expected.  Please read on.

My wife took my kids to the hobby store recently.  The kids brought their own money and made their own purchases.  (NOTE: They are both loaded.  I don't know where all the money came from, but it can be helpful in those times when my wife and are desperate for cash.) 

First item: An origami kit.  It has an instruction book and paper, and with it one could make a dozen different endangered animals, if one could somehow decipher the instructions, something neither child is capable of. 

So I've been attempting a lot of origami lately.  We almost made a zebra, except it only has one hind leg.  That's easy to explain though, as zebras and lions are known to have special encounters that could easily explain the absence of such an important appendage.  I consider the zebra a success.

We also have a koala head and a panda head, but neither animal has a body, and I don't think they ever will.  The pictures in the instruction book make IKEA furniture assembly look simple and intuitive. 

My older son also purchased an Erector Set.  It also has an instruction book with amazingly complex drawings, but it is a book someone with a degree in mechanical engineering could easily use as reference.  Sadly, I am lacking in such a degree, but in an effort to reduce the volume of whining in the house, I have been making due.  And swearing under my breath.

My in-laws were here this past weekend, and I spent the whole time waiting for my mother-in-law to mispronounce the toy as an "Erection Set" because I am immature and think that would be really funny. 

Which reminds me of the time our dog had bladder stones.  Nearly 60 of them, and they had gone from the bladder into his urethra, where they all got stuck. During the examination the vet reached back between my dog's legs and felt the stones.  He encouraged me to do the same, not realizing that I was in no way mature enough to engage in a general conversation about my dog's urethra, let alone actually touch the underside of my dog's vacant scrotum.  (NOTE: I have not shaken hands with the vet since then.)

I struggle with this inability to take important things seriously.  It's an ongoing battle that I am sure is pointless, as I have no intention of ever winning it.



Anne Gallagher said...

Erection set. That is too funny! Although I can picture you're mother-in-law saying it.

Bane of Anubis said...

Aww, I was hoping for something lewd, but I think I actually enjoyed this more. Special encounters - I like that.

Beverly Diehl said...

Hey, there are three legged dogs that are quite successful - why not a three-legged zebra?

Have had my own experience with erection sets. They never look quite as impressive as they do on the box.

Rick Daley said...

Anne- I so wanted that to happen, but she never did say it.

Bane- You + Expectations = Screwed. Sorry about that. Glad it worked out in the end though!

Beverly- In the old west there was a three-legged dog wandered into town. The sheriff told him he lad to leave, but the three legged dog begged to stay and said, "Sheriff, I'm just looking for my paw."

I told my kids I played with erector sets as a kid. They asked if I built cars and cranes like the ones in their instruction book. I told them I never had an instruction book, just a box of metal with screws and bolts. I had to wing it.

Laurel said...

There are no erections until 2012. But please go ahead and register to vote.

Donna Hole said...

*covers ears* You swear under your breath? No!

I'm of the opinion that "all" men are 12 year olds at heart. It can be attractive :)


Sharon said...


Rick Daley said...

Laurel- That's just clazy!

Donna- I swear every f*&^ing chance I get. 12 is mature, I was aiming more for 10.

Sharon- I just call 'em as I see 'em.

Domey Malasarn said...

I'm trying to imagine a unifying theme that will somehow bring all of these great ideas together. But really that would probably be a mess. This is a fantastically funny post.

Rick Daley said...

Domey- The absence of a theme is the unifying factor ;-)

jbchicoine said...

I'm glad my husband and I are not the only ones immature enough to find that sort of stuff funny. We still chuckle and nudge each other when someone says 'duty' hehehe...

Rick Daley said...

Bridget- You said duty ;-)

I used to work for company and we brought on a new client...Cox Communications. It was very difficult to get through a meeting without cracking up.