It was awful...

I can't take it.  The high-pitched screams.  The pounding.  The inability to speak. 

Of course I'm talking about the new season of American Idol.

It was awful.  Randy had no viable input.  He's the show veteran, but he seemed more interested in watching his new judges react than judging an audition himself.  His motto seemed to be, "Whatever you two think, I guess."

For several candidates, Steven Tyler screamed along and pounded on the table.  Kara used to groove sometimes, and Paula danced on occasion, but they never overshadowed an audition the way Steven Tyler did, where the kids auditioning were demoted to his back-up performers.  At least Mr. Tyler didn't stand up and grab his crotch, or if he did the producers mercifully edited that out.     

Jennifer, "OMG I can't say no!" Lopez (hereafter to be called J-No) needs to develop another reaction to an audition.  Watching her judge contestants is like watching Adam Richman take a bite of anything on Man vs. Food (NOTE: he only has one reaction after his first bite of food, which is chew once, close eyes, roll head, and simulate an orgasm, even to the point where he says "Oh my God!").  

There was no honesty in the feedback.  Everyone wants to be the nice one, but in reality each one is just lame, and the level of lameness grows exponentially when combined as a group.  Now I'm not asking for someone to act like a Simon clone, or to go all Ricky Gervais on each contestant, but someone must have the guts to be honest. 

The thing I miss most is Simon's dramatic pause, though. 

"You just sucked," he would say, and then pause for effect, making you wonder if he was finished, before continuing with, "the life out of that song."
 
On Wednesday we watched the first half of American Idol as a family, and when the kids went to bed, my wife and I switched to Modern Family.  On Thursday I had DVR set for AI, The Big Bang Theory, and Wipeout.  Problem is, I can only record/watch two out of the three.  Sorry, new AI, we recorded Big Bang, and watched Wipeout. 

You were voted out.

So Sue Me

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Where there's thunder, there's lightning. And where there's money, there's a lawsuit.

It seems someone named Jordan Scott is suing Stephanie Meyer for allegedly taking her vampire love story and making it popular.

Now first things first: Jordan Scott, is this all you can do to earn money after American Idol? I know your record sales are down, but frivolous lawsuits are not cool. Oh, wait. That was Jordan Sparks. My bad.

Ms. Scott is suing Ms. Meyer because of "striking and substantial" similarities between the fourth book in the TWILIGHT series and a work titled THE NOCTURNE. The article linked above, which is sourced from MTV because this is totally about music, provides two examples of text, which I will critique for you now to illustrate how different they actually are.

First, Ms. Scott:
"Her face was so pale, it was frightening; and there were beads of sweat pouring down her forehead. She couldn't even stand, she was so weak. ... She was violently ill, vomiting and scarcely able to catch her breath."

This has most of the makings of a hit YA vampire love saga, i.e. passive story telling (was so pale, were...pouring, was so weak, was violently ill) and multiple adverbs (violently, scarcely). Plus you demonstrated an advanced understanding of punctuation by using a semi-colon. But this lacks sparkle.

Additionally, there are many unnecessary descriptions here:
- Her face is frightening because it is pale. Cause and effect is not necessary in YA vampire love sagas. Plus cold and pale is really HOT, don't you know? Nothing scary about that.
- Her weakness is demonstrated through her inability to stand. You said she's weak, your extended examples overwhelm our collective lack of imagination. Cut it out.
- Physical descriptions of sickness, such as vomiting, are just gross. Although you get an extra adverb point for scarcely

Overall, this is a nice first effort that could be made ultra-successful in the hands of a true master.

Now, Ms. Meyer:
"Most of her dark hair was pulled away from her face into a messy knot, but a few strands stuck limply to her forehead and neck, to the sheen of sweat that covered her skin. There was something about her fingers and wrists that looked so fragile it was scary. She was sick. Very sick."

This has all of the makings of a hit YA vampire love saga, i.e. passive story telling (was pulled, was something, was scary, was sick) and adverbs (limply). Plus it sparkles: the sheen of sweat.

If we look up the definition of sheen, we find:

- adjective: shining, beautiful
- verb (used without object): to shine
- noun: 1) luster, brightness, radiance, 2) a member of a family of actors with varying degrees of talent and success. See also: BALDWIN

And the way you made the hair stick to the sheen, it's brilliant. Personally I never would have thought something would stick to a sheen, except a monkey to Charlie Sheen's back. I would have made the hair stick to the sweat. Shows you what I know!

And the vague descriptions that don't force me to actually visualize something unpleasant. What a relief! I mean, something about her fingers and wrists that looked so fragile it was scary. That gives me goosebumps! It's a good thing neither of us can think of what it actually was, we'd really be freaked out!

And the way you told me she was sick without grossing me out with yucky images of puke, or pain in specific areas of her body. Thank you! You said she was Very sick, and because you made that its own sentence, I know you really meant it. 'Nuff said.

Can't wait to read the rest!

No time but the present

I mean that literally. I have no time but the present. If the earth's rotation ever slows, and our days extend to 30 hours, I'll rejoice. After the tidal waves and earthquakes subside, that is. But what the hell. There's always a small price to pay for convenience.

I've been doing a good job of waking up early to write. My body no longer threatens to kill my alarm clock. The main drawback is that its getting harder to sleep in on the weekends.

I signed up for a website called "the Next Big Writer" and I like it so far. It's a quid pro quo post and review site...you post your material for others to review, but to post more material you need to review others' works. I posted Fate's Guardian a few evenings ago (the first 4,500 words, there is a 5,000 word cap per post). The next morning I had three reviews, and the end of the day I had 4. They were mainly favorable, and there was some great feedback, from minor plausibility for one sequence, to typos that I didn't find, even through multiple rounds of revising.

I've reviewed a couple pieces, too, and that's quite an eye-opening experience, especially when you hit a good premise, but poorly constructed sentences. It gives you a feel for what an agent might go through when they received some queries and manuscripts. Another piece I read made me laugh out loud, which is good because it was in the humor category.

Speaking of queries, I got a new rejection yesterday. Same theme as the other recent rejects: "your material is not right for us, but that's just our taste."

I guess that's better than a Simon Cowell-ish "You're a nice person, but please, don't ever write another word again."

And yes, the reference to Simon Cowell does mean that I have something to say about American Idol. Or rather, the contestants.

Last night we let our boys watch the episode from Wednesday. It was cached on the DVR...LOST won the coin toss for Wednesday night viewing. The kids are only seven and four, but they know talent; or rather, the lack thereof. They laugh just as hard at the first notes of a crappy singer as they do at a solid nut-shot on America's Funniest Home Videos.

There was one singer, who was very, very good, whose intro said that "she struggled with poverty..." That's so cliche. Why don't we ever hear about anyone who struggled with prosperity?

Oh wait, we do. Paris Hilton. Never mind. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses...