Carpe-ment Diem

Carpe diem means "seize the day."  (NOTE: thanks, Dead Poet's Society!).  Carpe diem represents the winner in you, the fighting spirit that propels you through tough times and keeps great opportunities from slipping away.  Seize the day!

Did I mention you can pay a price for seizing the day?  A bill, so to speak.  It's your carpe-ment diem.

Unlike other bills that exact their tolls in the form of cold hard cash, the price you pay for seizing the day is oftentimes more physical in nature.  It's your proverbial pound of flesh.  Especially if you are almost 40 years old.  Oh, you guessed it, there's a story behind this one...

Last weekend we had my son's birthday party at a gymnastics training facility.  They opened the gym for fifteen children ages five to eight.  And their parents.

Some parents took advantage of the fact that they were not required to stay.  I, being the father of the birthday boy, did not have the luxury of leaving.  I was stuck there, surrounded by the temptation of the trampolines, tumbling mats, and foam pits.  Everything was padded, it seemed.  You'd have to be a fool to get hurt there.

What was I saying?

Oh yes.  The high bar (aka horizontal bar) next to the foam pit.  You know what it is - a horizontal bar that male gymnasts hold on to and spin and do flips and all sorts of cool stuff.  Stuff I can't do.

What was I saying?

Oh yes.  I swung out high over the foam pit, mentally preparing myself to let go of the bar and flip backward (a gainer).  I had plenty of momentum.  Just one more swing and...okay, maybe another one and...now one more and I'll be ready to...next time I'll...screw it, I'm not really gonna do that.  I let go and just jumped into the pit feet first (which was loads of fun, don't get me wrong, but it was too smart to satisfy me long-term).

Most people would recognize their limits right there. I am not most people.  I can do a gainer off a diving board, so I chose instead to attempt a gainer into the foam pit from a straight run.  I did it.  I also did a flip over the vault.  Landed it nicely.  In the foam pit, of course.  So I did a few more.  They got a little better each time.  (NOTE: This is the kind of success that improperly inflates your ego.)

I went back to the high bar and decided that it might be easier to do an inward flip.  I jumped up and grabbed the bar, the foam pit to my back.  I started swinging, the momentum taking me higher each time, visualizing how I would let go when my feet reached their peak behind me, using the upward momentum to carry them over my head as I tucked and executed a perfect inward flip!

Not.

I chickened out and just let go again.  As I swam through the foam blocks to the edge I noticed a peculiar sensation on my hands.  It quickly developed into a deep, burning pain.  I looked down and saw that the callus under the ring finger of each hand had opened up like the lid on a sardine can.  Apparently gymnasts use a protective guard or something.  They are sissies and cheaters.

My hands burned for a week.  I had to cut the flaps of skin off.  The open wounds made many menial tasks a murderous malady. (NOTE: thanks, Thesaurus!)

Which can only leave us to ponder one more thing:
Did I learn my lesson?

Yes, I did.  And I can't wait to learn it again.

How to Drive Blog Traffic and Comments

Mention TWILIGHT.

Better yet, praise it.

And the ultimate: criticize it.

Ha! Actually, I do think it inspires a thoughtful discussion. There are many valid points on both sides of the table, and while there are examples where it could have been written better, I think it was clearly written well enough (even if it wasn't always written clearly).

That's my smart ass observation for today. If all goes well, I will atually have a fresh and funny post tomorrow. Topic has been selected, just need to write it out.

The Morning Productivity Award

This morning I'm giving out a productivity award. I'm giving it to Jack Shit, who inspired all of the inactivity I accomplished thus far today.

Jack and I go way back. I've always been a world class procrastinator. "Never put off 'till tomorrow what you can put off 'till the day after tomorrow," that's my motto. Also "There's no better time than some other time."

I actually woke up early to come downstairs and write. I usually drink a cup of coffee and check a few blogs while I wake up. Today that took longer than normal.

So 7am rolled around and an unusual fit of productivity kicked in, mainly because the video of the deadliest spider in the world was over, and I took the trash out. The sound of the garage door woke the kids, who came downstairs to make sure that my bout of usefulness was only temporary.

Of course I welcomed the reprieve, which gave me an opportunity to explore Google Earth with my son for a few minutes. He got hungry and went into the kitchen. Or I got frustrated and pushed him out of the room and locked the door. I can't remember which is fantasy and which is reality at this point, primarily because my coffee cup is empty.

Point of note, mid-way through typing the preceding paragraph I was interrupted by my wife, asking if we should keep a set of oil-based pastel crayons. Tough decisions like this are an added distraction. It's a good thing I was not on a productive streak, working on my novel and pondering a complex issue dealing with the narrative prose, or the delicate balance between deep literary characterization and the "just get on with the plot" pacing of a thriller, for I surely would have derailed.

Best way to avoid derailing: stay off the tracks.

And that's why, this morning, I dedicate all that I did not accomplish to Jack Shit.

.

A test of character

"We are not measured by the challenges we face in life, rather by what we do to overcome them."
- Richard J. Daley (aka Me)

If anyone actually reads this blog, take what you can from this. Apply it to world leaders. Apply it to your parents. Apply it to yourselves.

"Live long and prosper."
- Mr. Spock

"I was talking about you, not to you."
- Richard J. Daley (aka Me)

That last one was obviously a reference to the fact that this blog has no readers.