Got a Question For You...

Before I had kids I used to think answering a child's questions was a wonderful way to help that child grow and become a better human being.  I was eager to respond to any child's general inquiries about life and the world, to have the opportunity to share my knowledge and help that child learn.

Then I had kids, and that all changed.  I realized that the questions Just. Don't. Stop.

I began to burn out when my older son hit the early threes.  That's when "Why?" made its initial appearance.  Then my kids got to thinking I know absolutely everything about anything, like I'm Wikipedia or something. 

Here's an example from the time we took them to an amusement park over the summer:

How high is that roller coaster?  I don't know exactly.  Pretty high.
Is it a hundred feet? At least.
Higher? Maybe.
How much higher?  Two-hundred feet? I don't know.
How fast is it? Really fast.
Is it faster than our car? It depends on where we are driving.
What year was it built? What, our car?  2009.
No, the roller coaster.  I don't know. Google it when we get home.

A month later we took a family vacation that involved an airplane.  As we made our descent at the end of the first leg, both kids looked out their respective windows.

How high are we?
Are we as high as the Wind Seeker?
What about the Drop Tower?
We're definitely higher than the Diamond Back, aren't we?
Are there any pyramids this high?

As we got settled into our seats on the next flight, my son started asking me more questions.  I fought back.  I took out my notebook and started writing them down.

Is it three o'clock?
What time is it?
Why did the TV turn off? 
Why do they do that?
[Peering at my notebook] Why is it talking about Wind Seeker?
Why are you writing down all the questions?
I'll try not to ask any more questions, okay?
Are you going to show those to people?
What if there was a fire inside the plane?
The flight attendants aren't the pilots, are they?
Why is there an exit way back here?
What if a shark ate the life raft?
What is this volume button for?
Would you stop writing those down? You're annoying me!
When we get high enough I can unbuckle, right?
What does "airborne" mean?
What's "free of charge"?

At this time he pleaded with me to stop writing the questions down.  His attempts to grab my pen and notebook made the process more challenging that I was willing to put up with, so I acquiesced (NOTE: That's a really big word. Thanks, spell-checker, for your help.)

There was one more series of questions that I had to write down, though.  I did get his permission, but I would have done it anyway.  I had pointed out the window and said, "Look at that huge airplane.  You see the higher row of windows?  It's a double-decker."

So there's stairs in there? Yep.
Have you been in one? Nope.
But you've seen one, haven't you? Really?  You just asked that? Dude, I'm writing that one down...

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Vacation Recap- Part 2

Monday morning we woke up like it was a regular school / work day, but it wasn't. I took the day off work, my wife didn't have to work because her office was closed this week, and the kids are out of school. It was King's Island day.

King's Island is an amusement park near Cincinnati, OH. It lacks some of the mind-blowing awesomeness afforded to Cedar Point in Sandusky, but that's not really a fair comparison. Cedar Point is one of the best amusement parks in the world. It's in a league of its own. Plus King's Island is an hour closer, so it's awesomeness is padded with convenience.

We went with our neighbor and her three kids. Altogether it was me, two ladies (many cool stories could start that way), and five children, ages 10, 8, 7, 5, and 4 (coolness factor henceforth evaporates. Also, see prior post on cool (or lack thereof)).

We started off with The Fairly Odd Coaster in the Nickelodeon kids' area. After waiting for 30 minutes, they announced that they were closing the ride. The bloodthirst among the populace was palpable. They offered a quick addendum: "To put another car on the track."

Murmers of approval wafted through the crowd. This should make it go faster. Eventually.

An hour had passed and we finished our first 45-second ride. We were skeptical as to how the rest of the day would go, but for the most part it was awesome. I only experienced one other line as long, and it was for a coaster that you ride inverted. It flips to the bottom of the track, so it's like you are flying. Pretty cool experience, and worth the wait. But not as cool as the Diamondback.

The Diamondback is a new attraction that just opened in 2009. Its first hill is 230 feet high, and the drop is 215 feet. The next hill is 191 feet. And there are nine more after that, four of them over 100 feet.

The Diamondback is the biggest, baddest roller coaster ever to hit King's Island. It's not the best in the world, but it's good enough. You go up the first hill at such a steep angle it's like you're laying on your back as you watch the scenery fall away to your sides. Then you go down.

I think it's the angles of incline and decline that give the ride its umph. When you go up, you go almost straight up, and the crest is very narrow before you plunge straight down. Words can't really describe what it's like, but I like you people so I'll try:

It's a Triple Scoop of Awesome with Hot F*@% Yeah Sauce, Whipped Ass, and Nuts on top. Your Nuts. Unless you are a roller coaster virgin, and then it's your Popped Cherry.

Wow, I guess you can put it into words. Who knew?

We got hungry and decided on Chick-Fil-A for lunch. We thought a fast-food chain would have the distribution channels in place to move a large supply of food on-site for preparation and sale, and they would have a low cost of goods sold so they would be the more economical eatery.

We thought WRONG.

The King's Island Chick-Fil-A charges $7.89 for a combo meal. That's a sandwich and fries. The drink is another $2. I don't remember exactly what I said when the cashier broke me this news, but I think it contained an f-bomb. Apparently no one ever told that cow that runs the place the Laws of the Combo Meal. Drinks are included. Three combos with drinks and a kid's meal cost $44. Or to put that in more comparative terms, the $7 of food you would normally pay $20 for cost $44.

For dinner we pooled our resources and both families at together at You Call This Pizza? The proprietors probably called it something else, but I think my name is a better description. But since it was only $43 to feed three adults and five kids, it all tasted fine to me.

We closed the park down, staying through the 10pm fireworks show. It was officially Tuesday by the time we got home. We were tired, but it was well worth it. The kids had fun and were well-behaved (for the most part).

Next time we're going to Cedar Point.