How to Create Heat Vision

The following story is true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. Screw the innocent.

"Hey Dad, I know how to make my eyes into heat vision!" Max told me.

"Oh really, how?" I asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

"You get a hot piece of metal, and you poke little holes all around your eye..."

"You what!?" I looked at him closely. Both of his eyes were intact, for the time being.

He sighed, exasperated that I would make him repeat himself, and use big words like exasperated on my blog.

"You get a hot piece of metal, and you poke little holes around your eye. Than [sic] you get a lamp, and you plug it in and hold the light bulb next to your eye, and the light bulb makes the metal hot, and than [sic] it goes back in behind your eye. And when it's done, it will be all red and glow and than [sic] you'll have heat vision."

"Is that so? Who told you that?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. Jake and Max have become mad Scientist buddies, and are often dreaming up potions, and now apparently they have graduated to optical induction gadgetry.

"Jake did. And it's true because he did it and Jake doesn't lie," Max said, matter-of-factly. "And you can test it by putting an eye patch over your eye-" this part makes sense to me, I'll bet he needed an eye patch, "-and then the eye patch gets really hot and you know it worked." Nope. Lost me.

"And when I go over to Jake's house, we're both going to make heat visions." Max concluded.

"Oh yeah? Well, just make sure Jake goes first."