Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Music Lesson

My wife works on Monday and Wednesday, and I get the kids ready to go to daycare and get on the school bus. A Pink Floyd mix CD played in my car on the way to daycare. I love Pink Floyd, they're my all-time favorite band.

"The Happiest Days of our Lives" was the first song. It starts with the sound of a helicopter, and then a teacher's voice yells, "You! Yes, you! Stand still, laddie!"

"What's this song about?" my elder son asked.

"It's about a boy who didn't go to a nice school," I explained.

"What was wrong with it?"

"Well, a long time ago, teachers could be mean to kids. They made fun of them sometimes, and could even spank them," I said, hoping he would realize how good he has it. No real problem there, or when the song transitioned into "Another Brink in the Wall- Part II," which, if you are a reclusive ingrate and didn't already know this vital piece of music history, is the "We don't need no education" song.

No problem so far. School isn't fun sometimes. Easy to explain, without going into the depths of the dark sarcasm in the classroom. Plus, both kids love the line "If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" Maybe because I say it every time they don't eat their dinner and then ask for a treat, so now they know where that line comes from.

The next song was Young Lust.

"What's this song called?" The Inquisitor asked, striving to understand. I told him "Young Love" because I really didn't want to get into the differences between love and lust.

"What's it about?" was the inevitable follow up.

It's interesting, because "A rock star looking to gang bang a bunch of hot groupies" is both the correct and the incorrect answer. It's correct, because that's what the song is really about; it's incorrect, because the person asking is in first grade.

So I did what any of you would do. I yelled at the car in front of me, to create a diversion.

"Ohhhh," David Gilmore sang, "I need a dirty woman..."

"What did he say?" was the inevitable follow up.

"Come on, turn!"

I think that next time we're going to listen to Chicka-Chicka Boom-Boom.


PurpleClover said...

haha! Gotta love when they start noticing things. I'm still enjoying the fact that my kids don't realize boys and girls are different. :)

Lady Glamis said...

Oh, wow great laugh! I'm with Purple Clover. My daughter has no idea what they're singing about on Mamma Mia. I dread the day she does...

Thanks for the follow up comment on your previous post. I agree. I can imagine that the feedback you would receive (if it's good anyway) would be invaluable. :)

Anita said...

I've decided Veggie Tales CDs are more detrimental to my health than a few "go down low" type songs are to my kids' health.

Davin Malasarn said...

Ha! Write this up and publish it somewhere. It's hilarious!

Rick Daley said...

Anything is better than the Wiggles. I'm not homophobic by any means, but their fruit salad song is just creepy. Why do they have to start with banana handling?

Aimless Writer said...

Perhaps you need a Barney CD? His kind of love is easier to understand at that age.

I work in an industry that reaches out to school all over the nation and I can testify they still paddle kids in some states. Mississippi is one of them. When I questioned the principal over this he said, "If you don't hit them how ya expect them to learn?"
This New Jersey girl had to bit her tongue. Just another Brink in the wall...

ElanaJ said...

This is priceless. We were watching Dancing with the Stars a few days ago and the song "Womanizer" was on. My 4 you was singing it after I put her to bed. *hangs head in shame* :D

Rick Daley said...


Apparently being a redneck requires extensive training from a young age, so they insist on starting them young. It must be harder than I thought to be bass-ackwards.


I remember when "I Want Your Sex" was popular in the eighties. I was in high school and thought the hooplah it caused was nonsense, it's just a song...

Now that I have kids it carries a different weight. My boys are seven and four, and they have heard about shows like The Simpsons and want to watch them. I'm glad they aren't aware of South Park yet.

Laurel said...

This completely cracked me up. I entertain similar questions in my car all the time. An endless stream of them. Ditto on the Wiggles.

And I must confess to being a bass-ackwards redneck. We started the school year with a teacher wanting to put my FOUR YEAR OLD on meds for ADD. He figured out that the worst thing they could do to him if he didn't stay in "time out" was give him another time out they couldn't make him stay in. All it took was two spankings. That being said, both were administered by me. I don't want anybody else touching my kid's heinie. With a paddle or anything else.

Rick Daley said...

Try out new anti-ADD drug, Calminim.

Side effects may include apathy, listlessness, mental retardation, drowsiness, sleeplessness, insomnia, insanity, diarrhea, headaches, nausea, cancer, rabies, diptheria, pilio, smallpox, the plague, swine flu, broken bones, warts (non-genital), warts (genital this time), every known STD, attention deficit disorder, and death.

Try some today!

I agree that sometimes a spanking is the right form of corrective instruction. It's quick, and they alter their behavior to avoid getting another one (in most cases).

jdcoughlin said...

This is so funny! So been there. So am there. I can remember the day my mom told me "Candy Man" was all about drugs. Didn't need the truth. Didn't like it. As a parent, I'm all for making up stuff that fits the frame. Tried the truth when my 12 yr old asked what a virgin was. Backfired when after five minutes of concise mom stuff, she put her hand up and said she thought it meant not having a tattoo.
PS. I'm still singing Reverend Blue Jeans.

Laurel said...

Calminim sounds great! I'll ask my doctor if it's right for me.

The Journalizer said...

ha, ha, ha ... your post reminds me of when my dad took my siblings and me to see "Die Hard" when it was in the movies -- early 1990s?
On the car ride home my brother (probably only 10 years old at the time) quotes Bruce Willis and says, "Yippie-Kai-Yay Mother F--ker!"
My dad (mom did not come) pulled the car over to the side of the road and calmly turned around to explain that we should never say that again. I still remember it because my dad NEVER pulled over to the side of the road to reprimand us. Needless to say, my bro never said it again ... and hopefully my dad didn't regret taking us out for a fun night at the movies!

Rick Daley said...

I think Die Hard was more like late '80s. I was a sophomore in HS.

My first grader knows the f-bomb, he heard it from a kid at school. OK, he probably heard it here first, but he heard it there, too!

Movies can teach bad things, but the education they receive at school is not limited to the teacher's curriculum...

Laurel said...

So right. My mom thought she was so ahead of the game teaching me about procreation when I was in fourth grade. Great was her dismay at my observation of two neighborhood dogs in courtship...with the male having some difficulty closing the deal. I turned to my mother and said, "It would be so much easier if the girl dog would just f#@% him. OH! I'm sorry Mama, I just didn't know any other word for it until you taught me better!"

Ah, yes. Education widely exceeds what is described in the curriculum.