Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Time Travel

"I slept good tonight," my son told me this morning.

I found this very interesting, because I was not aware that he could travel into the future.

NOTE TO SELF: explain concept of lottery to child, practice memorizing numbers.

This opens up a ton of potential, and I plan to exploit it to its full extent. Wouldn't you? I mean honestly, if you found out your son had some kind of super power, would you make him get a job as a reporter and dress him like a nerd, like Clark Kent's parents did, or would you capitalize on it and become a gazillionaire, like me?

Sure, the world needs saving, and I do plan to conduct a few philanthropic events with my mountain of cash, just like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and Sally Struthers. But I still want to deck my wife out in the finest bling, and get a lot of cool guy-toys for myself.

Oh, and the kids, some stuff for them. Especially little Mr. Future. I think I'll get him some flashcards and the Memory game.

It's exciting to think of all the good I could do with a gazillion dollars, all the sadness I could end, all the hungry people I could feed. I mean, here's a prime example: we are out of Girl Scout cookies. This makes me sad and hungry. But with my new fortune, I would have enough Thin Mints to last the whole year, not just two lousy months.

NOTE: Thin Mints are best when frozen.

I know that focusing on myself is narcissistic and selfish, but I just wanted to use the word narcissistic. Big words make me feel smart. Someone please look it up and let me know if I used it in the proper context. If I didn't, keep it to yourself so I don't have to go on a power trip and delete your comment, cause I'll do that in a heartbeat. This is MY blog, damnit.

And in case you are thinking that this time travel incident was a fluke, an innocent slip of the tongue by a four year old, I give you this other example:

I offered him Taylor's Ham with his breakfast. "I've never had that for a long time!" He replied.

NOTE: Taylor's Ham falls somewhere between bacon and SPAM on the food pyramid. That is, it is totally delicious, but devoid of any nutritional value whatsoever. It's popular on the east coast, and there's only one store in Columbus that sells it. That store happens to be right next to the trail head that we ran on last Sunday, so I picked some up.

But enough with the distracting notes (NOTE: for now). Had he said "I've never had that for a long time before," then I would know his period of reference is confined to the past.

For him to know that he's never had it for a long time, period, he is obviously taking the future into account. Which brings me back to my plot to become a gazillionaire. This is the most exciting day of my life, and I'm halfway through maxing out all of our credit cards in eager anticipation of my future wealth.

NOTE: My expenditures are likely to raise consumer confidence and help lift the world out of the recession, so start investing today before the stock prices all go back up. Don't say I didn't warn you!



scott g.f. bailey said...

This is hilarious! But seriously, "Mr. Future" is a great book idea. Until your son hits puberty and only thinks about girls. Teens never think about the future, even prescient teens.

beth said...


NOTE TO SELF: Kidnap your son, so I can capitalize on him, too. (jk!)

PurpleClover said...

My daughter loves to say, "Guess what we're gonna do last night?!" When she clearly means to say "tonight". lol.

She always mixes tonight with last night or yesterday. It's so funny.

Lady Glamis said...

LOL! Now I want Thin Mints...

And I used "narcissistic" in my Glam post. It felt good. :)

Rick Daley said...

I love it when the kids say something funny. It's even better when you get to hear it in their high pitched little voices. That makes the cute factor go way up.

Anita said...

My kids leep me laughing, too. If your son makes you millions, will you publish my book?

Rick Daley said...

If my kids make me millions, I'll publish all of our books!

PurpleClover said...

OMG Rick your comment on the AgentFail had me cracking up! The very last part - offer of representation would be nice. LOVE IT!

In that case I can fail a bunch of agents. lol.

Rick Daley said...

It was an agent wish list, so a contract / representation had to be in there somewhere!

Kat Harris said...

At the very least, if my kid had super powers I'd use those powers to fill out my NCAA bracket.

How the heck do you get Girl Scout cookies to last a month at your house?

Rick Daley said...

I hide the cookies in the freezer, and when I eat the Thin Mints I have to hide from my wife, because I eat a whole sleeve at a time.

Just kidding. I eat them in front of her. I do share (1 or 2).

Crimogenic said...

Awww, that's cute. Kids do say the darnest things.

Vodka Mom said...

Two things that will GUARANTEE great blog fodder-
kindergartners and funny ass kids.


Anonymous said...

I echo Vodka Mom on this, Rick!

Yum on the frz thin mints, I hadn't thought of that. And thanks for your kind post over at my place. Much appreciated.

Rick Daley said...

Thanks Kimmi, and you're welcome!

Hit 40 said...

Wow! I thought I could go on a tangent!!! Never met a guy who just take a random thought and just run. I have always wanted the ability to stop time. Then, I could go snoop around while everyone is in a time freeze. Or, at least sneak out of a really boring work meeting unnoticed.

Court said...

Since nobody else offered, I thought I'd let you know that you did use "narcissistic" in the right context. Now I just hope I spelled it right.

Much success with the future thing. You might consider picking up "Grey's. Sports. Almanac." while you're at it. ;o)

Rick Daley said...

Thanks Court ;-)